The Nihilist

If all you had was burned in hellfire, and all you knew were proved as lies. If all you were and thought you’d ever be was crushed and set aside; all of it lost in the span of a cruel second – faded, just like that. And you – if you were given a chance to start from the beginning, would you reach your hand and take it, or would you rather dwell on what had once been? If your life and everything can topple down on one wrong decision, what use was it even for?

Life, to me, has proved herself a fickle mistress, often changing her mind with whom she favours and whom she not. Should our existence be a stageplay, with the acts I’ve witnessed and the scenes wherein I participated, Life and the world upon where she exists has shaped me into the person I am today. A skeptic, a critic, a believer in the belief of nothing – a nihilist.

Most would think such a thing to be an impossibility, but should someday I am granted a cause, granted a reason to believe – I shall let myself be proven wrong.

As such, whenever I ask myself The Question, with its harshness and its particular brand of despondent self-deprecating, several answers come to mind. Answers given by men both wise and foolish. The religious told me to restore my faith, to believe in God. The virtuous told me to live for the people, for the betterment of humanity. Neither of their answers are wrong, yet the man I shall salute to, is the man who told me that it matters not if Life has an actual purpose.

He told me, “Still, we exist in this world, self-aware and capable of intelligence. No man, no matter their opinions pertaining to Life’s true purpose, would let a hundred years pass them by.” And I shall utter my agreement. Though I remain as a nihilist still, perhaps there is hope for me yet.

In the end, I can say with confidence that even if my everything was burned in hellfire, still, I would continue to live. Still, I would continue to breath – continue to be. Though our time on this earth is short, we have the choice to make the most of it, or let the first in many hurdles to be the end. I, for one, know which one I’ll choose.

M. Nikolaus,

the nihilist


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